Wednesday, February 22, 2006

My name is Sue! How do you do?! Now you gonna die!

I heart Mr. Johnny Cash. I heart him mucho lots.

With that, let's move on to:

Mostly worthless musings on the Winter Olympics

In general, I just don't get as excited about the Winter Olympics as I do their Summer counterpart. Cross-country events don't thrill me that much. Downhill is okay, though I haven't watched it much this year. Mostly because I think Bode Miller is a colossal ass, and I'm not really interested in watching him slum around and then act like he's above it all and that he doesn't really care about winning medals. Fine, dude...but why are you even at the Olympics? His whole "Olympic spirit" thing just sounds like a cop-out to explain why he's sucking big time on the slopes this time around. Halfpipe is fabulous fun, and Sean White looks like a Weasley brother. "Sno-bo-cross" is sort of cool, but sort of weird. Speed skating can be entertaining, but watching Shani Davis and Chad Hedrick act like snarky bitches after tonight's 1500 kind of soured me on the whole event. They made me extra glad that the Italian kid won.

All that said, I do love me some women's figure skating. I'm sort of 'meh' on men's and pairs. Not sure why. The throws in pairs are cool, and I like the powerhouse jumpers like Yevgeny Plushenko, even though almost all of the photos in his NBC Olympic bio are SCARY. SCARY, ya'll. I don't dig the fluffy artistry that much in the men, and I don't know why, because I tend to be pretty equal-opportunity when it comes to fluff. As for ice's really the winter equivalent of rhythm gymnastics. Both are pretty, both are dull, both have goofy ass elements (giant balls vs. "twizzles"), and both seem kind of silly compared to other events.

MB is not all that into the Olympics. I think he might still be a little bitter about the fact that I made him watch quite a few of the 2004 Summer Games events from hotel rooms while we were on our honeymoon. Gah...I am a horrid wife. And he is saintly for actually still liking me after it was all over. Not wanting to watch tonight's skating program alone, I recruited the cat as my viewing buddy and fellow judge. Since neither of us really understand the new figure skating scoring system, Mr. Kitters and I decided to rate the skaters on their costumes and musical choices instead. Besides, what do we know about technical elements?

Best costume

ME: The gold goes to Sarah Meier of Switzerland, who wore the prettiest and most normal-looking dress. Make it black instead of canary yellow, give it 6-12 more inches of skirt, and you've got a hot, classy evening dress. It had glittery straps and none of that uber-scary semi-flesh-toned pantyhose-like mesh stuff. Also, I wish my back was half as sexy as hers.

MR. KITTERS: The gold definitely belongs to Elene Gedevanishvili from Georgia. Her costume had fringe. Fringe is fun to bat.

ME: The silver goes to Irina Slutskaya of Russia. She'd win it even without extra points for being an absolute powerhouse. She was the only featured skater to wear pants, and even though I wasn't crazy about the sparkle patterns, the cut of her outfit was flattering and made her look both sexy and totally badass.

MR. KITTERS: I'll give the silver to that girl who wore that half hot-pink, half very scary-flesh-meshy thing. It looked sort of like a flamingo, which is a bird, and birds are fun to stare at menacingly from my window.

ME: The bronze is going to Fumie Suguri of Japan. Gorgeous dress, absolutely stunning girl. Loses points for scary flesh-toned skates, cancelled out by her rockin' "sneaky-high" jumps.

MR. KITTERS: I'm giving bronze to Sasha Cohen. Her outfit had flowers, which I like to eat.

Runners-up: Yelena Liashenko, who rocked the best dress back, despite it being the color of a road cone. Anyone who wore skates with those funky gold-toned blades.

While we're talking Olympic outfits, there has to be a shout-out to those godawful jerseys the Russian speedskaters are sporting:

ME: I can see why the guys who were paired up with the skaters wearing these showed up on the track wearing dark goggles. Otherwise, they'd risk having this heinous pattern seared into their retinae.

MR. KITTERS: Damn. Just, damn. I'm colorblind and that's still painful. And what's with that freaky mouse-human-hybrid thing she's carrying?

Best Music

Gold: Sasha Cohen, skating to the lovely Russian folk song "Dark Eyes." I have a music box that used to be my mom's that plays "Dark Eyes," and I have always loved it.

Silver: Irina Slutskaya, whose music matched her kickassery.

Bronze: The girl (Canadian, maybe?) who skated to an instrumental rendition of Madonna's "Like a Prayer." She medals on sheer hilarity alone.

"Nice try, sparky, but I totally saw you two-foot that landing."

This entry is horribly long already, but one more thing

One of my close friends got married this past Saturday, and it seems that while I was off co-shouldering the terrifying responsibility of cutting and serving this gorgeous cake...

...MB and my cousin were making potpourri art:

A great column...
...on the continuing doubts and hopes of a woman who decided to choose children over her career.

Curse you, Blogger

For making me reconstruct this whole goddamn entry just to change the date. You SUCK. Thank God for cutting and pasting out of Word, because the original took me an hour to assemble, and otherwise, there would've definitely been vengeful thoughts going on over here.

Reading: Medicine Road by Charles de Lint

Playing: Within a Mile of Home by Flogging Molly and The Legend of Johnny Cash

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