Things that I learned from this move

>> When disassembling furniture, as when investigating a crime, always maintain the chain of custody. Always. Otherwise, your husband will turn to you two days later and say, "Where did you put those screws that I took out of the bed?" and you will have no recourse but to stare at him and hiss, "You never told me I was in charge of them!" And then you will be sent back to the apartment to fruitlessly comb four rooms piled with boxes and random detritus, searching for a small sandwich baggie of screws. And then, regaining your common sense, you will drive to Rural King and buy 20 screws in each of three sizes, just so you won't be asked to go look for a tiny baggie of lost screws again.

>> When you spend a long evening Rug Doctoring your carpets, dump the dirty water down the toilet, not the bathtub. When you forget and dump it down the bathtub instead, make sure you check the drain plug handle at least twice before bitching that the tub is clogged and pouring two bottles of Drano into it. If you only check it once, your husband will investigate later and find that the drain is just closed, not clogged. And you will hear about it. At length. And you will deserve it, honestly.

>> When you pack for the move, make sure you keep track of the boxes with your clothes inside. If you don't, you will find yourself at the new house, in possession of one pair of jeans, two pairs of socks, the (sweaty) shirt on your back, and a hoodie, while your husband has already located and put away all of his clothes. You will later find your clothes at the back and on the bottom of a giant mountain of boxes, in the dining room. Sucker.

>> When you have electricians scheduled to come and fix your house's weird grounding and fuse box issues, make sure you put the cat in the office before the big scary strangers arrive. Otherwise, you will be dragging his small, boneless, terror-flattened form out from behind three large houseplants and a stack of boxes, and he will cling to you pathetically, and you will feel like an asshole.

>> When you pack up your kitchen, you will find six-year-old cake mixes and boxes of instant Jell-O, and you will be suitably horrified. You also will find lotion you bought while at the job you quit in 2001.

>> People will take just about anything if it's free, and freecycle is your friend when trying to get rid of four years' worth of clutter. Also your friend? Goodwill.

>> If you are a large, clumsy cat, do not assume that just because your head fits through the stair rail, your body will also fit. If you do, you may find yourself blocked in mid-air by your linebacker-like shoulders hitting the banister posts, and you'll probably rebound off that box you used as a springboard and land in a heap on the floor. And the humans who know and love you will tell the story to EVERYONE. Stairs, 1. Kitters, 0.



Reading:  Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz

Playing:  The Crane Wife by the Decemberists