Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I could put strychnine in the guacamole

We got our taxes done last night, and went to the same guy who's done them for us the past three years. I love our tax guy, but he is a huge nerd. Actually, that's probably why I love our tax guy. He's super nerdy, really nice, and slightly socially inappropriate (two years ago he told us about his second honeymoon trip to the Catskills; this time he mentioned that all three of his kids were one-mistake pregnancies. He said that he'd told his wife they should do some field testing to see if he was super virile or if she was super fertile, but she never gave the go-ahead for the "cross pollination" experiments.)

This year I learned something about him which explains so much:  he's an engineer. No offense to MB, who is actually remarkably well-adjusted, but in my experience engineers tend to fall on a predictable spectrum from totally socially frightening through what my friend Spence has dubbed "engiwiener" and (if they're lucky) up to almost normal. Tax Guy falls squarely in the endearing engiwiener part of the spectrum.

Early in our appointment, I noticed that he had a red Swingline stapler on his desk. Because I am not an engiwiener, I restrained myself and did not start throwing Office Space lines at him. But then at the end of the appointment, he pointed to the stapler and said, "You've seen Office Space, right? I am Milton!" Tax Guy, te amo. You'd better get us a good return, though. I could burn this place to the ground.


  1. Awhile back my stupid old stapler went missing from my desk. I was pleased at the time to be able to replace it with a new Swingline stappler from the supply cabinets. However, I am really very disapointed in my Swingline's performance. It is a black Swingline; perhaps red ones work better?

  2. i dated an engineer all through and a little after college. and while he was excellent at putting on a socially adjusted face for outsiders, he let me in on all the insider quirkiness. it's how i learned to truly appreciate a cheesy joke. but we both love Office Space.

  3. I work with not one, but two(2!) people in their early 30's who have never seen Office Space. I tried to drop some quotes and got completely blank stares in response.... I would welcome an engineer.

  4. My Dad's a total engiwiener. He passed it down to me, even though I spurned engineering.

    And Office Space - hell yeah.

  5. Anonymous9:19 AM

    bibliophile81 - there are swinglines and swinglines...the red one is a heavy metal but there are plastic ones that are not as good.

    i have a red swingline that my husband gave me for xmas years ago, I took it to work and put my name on it so that no one would accuse me of theft when I took it home on my mat leave (and took it back when I went back).

    office space kept me sane through 3 asshole office jobs. and yes I am always amazed to meet people in offices who haven't seen it.