Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Eff off, Mr. Lorax

As I believe I have mentioned before, I am in charge of the recycling at work. Because we don't have a pickup contract, I have to suck it up like a good little treehugger and take everything home to put out with my own stuff for the curbside collection every other week. If I miss a week or if someone cleans out their files, I end up with an assload of paper to haul. That's what happened last time recycling day came around, and I ended up with a kitchen cart completely loaded with bins. They were two or three deep on the top of the cart, and stuffed as full as they could be stuffed. Because it was windy, I had used heavy catalogs to hold down the top layers. Everything was neatly sorted and contained and ready to go.

We're having utility work done on the parking lot and therefore all the staff has to park really far away from the building. I didn't want to battle the wind and push the ginormous cartload of crap past the construction workers, so I pulled my car up to the front and went back in for the cart. And then, the topheaviness of the cart, the ridiculous wind, and the shallow curb all came together in the worst possible way and -- you can probably see where this is going -- the whole fucking thing tipped over sideways. All the paper bins dumped into the gap between my car and the curb, in the middle of 20 - 30 mile-per-hour wind gusts.

So there I am, on my knees scrabbling after goddamn fliers and envelopes and fuck-all else, dirt blowing up in my face, hair getting in my eyes, hoping my asscrack isn't hanging out of my jeans, trying not to cuss like a sailor out loud and who pulls up? The DIRECTOR. Who then runs around in his chinos and polo shirt gathering up scraps of paper from the landscaping. Meanwhile I'm still shoveling the shit into bins, throwing it into the back of my car, and I'd really just like to set the whole mess on fire and roast marshmallows by the flames and kick a few endangered species while I'm at it. And then? Two construction guys on their way to lunch stop to help. Which, okay, is totally rad and restores my faith in humanity somewhat but Jesus. H. Christ. I don't think I've wished that hard for the earth to swallow me whole since the 7th grade.

(Don't worry, endangered species, I wouldn't ever actually kick you. Or the Lorax. Though I sure felt like I might enjoy it.)

Reading:  Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce

Playing:  my Pearl Jam station on Pandora


  1. Oooh, Tamora Pierce!! She is, like, Nicole's favorite author and talks about her constantly. Enjoy the book!

    Geek alert which I think you could totally understand...I should be in bed trying to sleep right now, but I'm too hyper & excited because my favorite author added me as a friend on Facebook, seems to remember me from my comments on her now defunct blog, and asked how I am doing! It's like having Shakespeare ask you "how's it going?" ::need to calm down and stop being such a dorky fangirl so I can get some sleep::

  2. I've noticed in the past that many people look very attractive when wind-blown and a little flustered. Not me, of course, I look like I've just escaped from somewhere.

  3. I can relate to that... I put a huge pile of paper on the top of my car the other evening ... weighted down with my coat... asked my husband to carry it in for me... he lifts the coat, leaves the paper... I spend the next 20 minutes fetching the report from under my neighbours car... I was mortified!

  4. Dude, if you're going to be all granola and recycle shit, why not feed that paper to worms and get righteous compost while you're at it? Shred it, toss it in the worm bucket, and you're done. Bonus: people will pay mad bucks for worm shit. Srsly!

  5. I had the same problem one day, too, only my stuff blew into the back of some guy's pick up. I stood there, wondering if I should risk it, and in the end climbed in the back of his truck and got my things. I was so sure he was going to come out of his apartment and catch me crouched in the back of his truck!

  6. Meg ~ I LOVE Tamora Pierce. I'm a recent convert, though. Before I'd read any of her books, I took my sister to see her read in Louisville. She was AWESOME. And I am totally squeeing my head off over your Facebook coolness! I would keel over! :D :D :D

    Ari ~ Yeah, I'm not a cute flustered, either. More of a red-faced, sweaty, grumpy flustered.

    Birchsprite & Geekgirl ~ OMG, I would have D.I.E.D.!!

    Northwoods Baby ~ Oddly enough, just today I called a guy about procuring some worms for that very purpose. Swear!

  7. Just think of the good karma you're accumulating.

  8. i'm kind of proud of those construction guys! their non-work-related claim to fame is usually cat calling, right?