41 weeks

Dear Nico,

You are 41 weeks and 2 days old and have now been with me on the outside for as long as I carried you on the inside. Child, you are a joy. You're a spitfire and aren't afraid to let me know when you have a strong opinion about something, but your fits of temper tend to blow over pretty quickly. Most of the time you are an extremely happy baby. You started waving a few weeks back and now you wave all the time. When we leave the house in the morning, you wave goodbye to the dog and keep waving all the way through the backyard to the car. When I lift you onto my hip and carry you out of your bedroom, you wave goodbye to your stuff. When I hand you over to your granny in the morning before work, you flap your arm goodbye before I even turn to leave, and when I pick you up in the evening, you wave goodbye to the house and all inside. You'll also wave hello, though usually not right on time. People will say hi and wave to you and you'll stare at them for a little while, big-eyed. Then, usually after they turn away, your arm gives a cheery flap-flap-flap. You'll sometimes wave by carefully curling and uncurling your little hand, but usually it's a whole-arm flap.

You still take all your naps on my lap, and I know that by now you should probably be taking those in your crib. Even though I have things I could be doing during your naps, I find that I don't have much interest in changing things up. As you get more and more active, I know that you'll have less and less patience for cuddling. And taking time to slow down and just be with you is a good thing in the midst of a hectic life. The other day, we were up in your room and you were a little fussy. You wanted to be on my lap but you weren't hungry, so I decided to see if you wanted a nap. I kicked back in the rocking chair with you lying on my chest and you fell asleep for a short while, maybe fifteen minutes. You usually wake up either fussy and hungry or squirming to be put down, but this time it was different.

You pushed up onto your hands and knees on my chest and lifted your head. It's hard to explain what happened next without sounding cheesy or overwrought, but I want to try. You stayed there for several long minutes, your eyes wide and bright, your mouth open in a small smile, and you stared into my face. You didn't squirm, didn't fuss, just gazed at me with the most open, pleasant expression. I felt as though I was being seen, truly seen, for perhaps the first time, as though you looked at me and really knew me. As it was happening, I wished there was some way to record the moment because I knew it would probably never be repeated. After a few minutes the spell was broken. You wanted to be set down to play and I was left feeling like you'd handed me a simple but precious gift. A second gift, really, because you are a great and wonderful gift, too. I couldn't be more grateful for you.

Love,
Mama