The Jung and the Restless
Lately I've been wishing I could tell you about work, but since that's just dumb I thought instead I'd tell you about a dream I had about work last night. A couple of weeks ago, Shauna over at Pickles & Dimes wrote a post about stress dreams. I'm not sure this one counts as a stress dream, but without revealing too much I can guarantee this one was inspired by work responsibilities. You'll just have to trust me on that one, I guess. Is it stupid to blog about dreams? Is that one of those things that you're not supposed to do? Fuck it, I can't remember, so here you go:
In my dream, I was at work (even though it wasn't the same setting as my actual work) and someone had put me in charge of taking care of a bald eagle. I took it outside to exercise or something (I don't even know) and it got away from me. I guess it was sick or injured, because it was running around on the ground, not flying. As soon as I let it down to do its thing, two other eagles showed up to run around with the first one. So naturally at that point I'm doubly freaking out because first, the eagle I'm in charge of is getting away and second, they all look the same and I'm not 100% sure anymore which eagle I'm supposed to be catching.
I chased the eagles around the edge of the building and as I did, I noticed a dead deer lying up against the wall…as if it had been left there to feed something. Then I saw another one, alive but with an injured leg, and the (metaphorical) warning bells started going off. Sure enough, the next thing I saw was a goddamn mountain lion, which had previously been trying to take down the deer but now was looking at me like I might be tasty. In real life I probably would've just froze on the spot or wet my pants or something, but in my dreams I'm apparently fast, sensible, and blessed with convenient architecture. I turned to the building, which I suddenly realized was the church I attended as a kid, and climbed the exterior stairs, which were kind of like a fancy fire escape and definitely something my subconscious added only for ass-saving purposes. My thought was that it would take the mountain lion a moment to figure out how to follow me, hopefully enough of a moment that I could get inside. I was right, I did make it inside, and I saw my cousin MacGyver standing in line for Communion. I sidled up and hissed, "There is a freaking MOUNTAIN LION out there!"
If you know my cousin MacGyver in real life this next part will make total sense to you. Instead of staying inside and out of the mountain lion's reach, MacGyver decided he needed to advance the dream plot by going outside to investigate. As soon as he stepped out of the doors onto the top of the staircase, the mountain lion came up the steps. Clear as anything, I saw a woman about my age walking on the sidewalk below us with a toddler in a stroller. She spotted the mountain lion and froze, MacGyver was clearly planning to take one for the team, and I was telling him, "Dude, get inside! The doors open outward, it won't be able to pull them open. GET INSIDE!" The mountain lion, with true cinematic flair, grabbed MacGyver and slowly pulled him down but didn't run off.
And then, in another totally cinematic and ridiculous dream moment, I looked down and saw Nico's doll lying on the landing. I picked it up and chucked it past the mountain lion, who leapt to chase the bait. As the lion leapt away, the mother came racing up the stairs with her kid. I hauled MacGyver to his feet and inside, got the lady and her kid inside, and then pulled the door shut just as the mountain lion arrived. I don't know what happened next, because by this point I think I was conscious of the fact that I was dreaming and that it was not restful. So I woke up and -- having no one awake in my house to tell of this absurd experience -- posted to facebook: "OMFG. Just woke myself up dreaming that my cousin and I were being chased by a goddamn mountain lion. NO MORE COOKIE DOUGH BEFORE BED."
My favorite part of the whole thing might be the first comment my facebook post received, from another of my cousins who said: "Whoa whoa whoa…which cousin?!" Don't worry, it wasn't you!