Thursday, April 06, 2006

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

This has nothing much to do with anything, but it came from a site that caused much hilarity at my residence this past weekend. It's funny to start with, but apparently it was much enhanced by the bottle of wine that I had to go to three damn stores to find after receiving a call during which I was asked--in a very careful, trying-not-to-sound-like-wine-has-already-been-sampled voice--if I could pick up another bottle of Yellowtail.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

I had a big, fancy plan to write a very thoughtful entry about a documentary I watched last night, but I find myself unmotivated. This probably has something to do with the fact that tomorrow, MB and I will be going to the bank to get pre-approved for a mortgage. There's a chance we won't be able to start seriously looking for a house until June (if not later), but we're going to at least get the bank thing out of the way. I'm alternately kid-on-Christmas excited and nervous as hell. Tomorrow we get to find out if my hopes of owning one of the big, beautiful farmhouses I've been ogling online for days are going to be dashed to the ground and stomped into fragments. Or not. Gah. I haven't even told my parents about this yet. It was kind of a sudden decision, though a lot of thought and discussion preceded it.

We originally had an appointment for next Thursday, but I realized my nerves aren't really going to hold out that long, so we changed it. I'm trying not to think too much about it. I'm failing miserably.

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

I was highly amused to find out that the title of the Beck song I've been digging this week ("Que Onda Guero") can be translated variously as "What's up, dude?" and "Where you going, white boy?" depending on how literal you want to be.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Reading: The Dogs of Bedlam Farm by Jon Katz

Playing: Guero by Beck

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite his holding just a joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

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