Tattoos I would've regretted

Shauna opined that I should share the tattoos I once thought I wanted, and upon reflection I realized this would probably be good for a laugh. And so, I present The Things I'm Really Glad I Never Indelibly Inked on My Body.

a lizard

When I was a sophomore in high school and my family got our first computer (SHUT UP. I KNOW. AM OLD.) the Windows package came with a disc of greeting card software. This was pre-internet, so the CD had all kinds of clip art included. One of my favorites was this purple lizard with an orange stripe. I adopted it as my logo of sorts and put it on the back of all the greeting cards I made, along with the name I made up for the totally awesome graphic design company I was going to have someday, Psycho-delic Productions. And so, there is a chance I might've ended up with something like this permanently affixed to my ass cheek. Have mercy.

a butterfly

There's nothing wrong with a butterfly tattoo, if you just like butterflies. Or if a butterfly holds a deep personal significance for you, awesome. I, however, wanted a butterfly tattoo because (I swear to God) I thought it would be alternative and (HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA) unique.

the number 13

I was born on Friday the 13th and 13 has always been my favorite number. When I went through my long not-regretted alterna-gothlite-skatepunk phase in high school and early college, I would've loved a badass 13 tattoo. Like every other alterna-gothlite-skatepunk who has ever worn spiked jewelry or JNCO pants.

the Chinese character for "earth"

During my junior (or first senior?) year in college, I went along for moral support with a friend who wanted to get her nipples pierced. Caught up in the daring moment, I spent some time eyeballing the endless charts of Chinese characters and sort of wishing the guy would pressure me to get a tattoo. I'm fairly certain that as a geology major I would've picked earth. Looking at it now, I wonder if I would've decided it was too plain and gone with water instead. Because I'm a Pisces! (a Pisces who doesn't give two shits for astrology) The tattoo / piercing guy never pressured me, though I did end up getting my navel pierced. MB hated it and I always felt a little bad for doing it, and while an earth symbol wouldn't be awful, I do think Chinese characters tattooed on clueless white people by other white people in white middle American small towns are usually just about the most clichéd tattoos of all time.

a badger track

The badger in my secret online identity comes from MB's high school nickname, The Badger. When we met, the summer before my sophomore year in college, he'd often draw a small stylized badger track as a signature of sorts (kind of like this but better). One of my favorite memories from that heady summer is the night we spent painting our mutual friend Joe's car. MB painted something I don't recall and then signed with his badger track. Somewhere I have a pre-digital photo of that track, and once we started dating seriously I always loved the idea of getting it as a tattoo, something secret and special and less obvious than his initials. By that point I had mostly outgrown my Bad Idea Jeans, and so I always imagined I'd get a very small badger track and have it put on my hipbone or the top of my foot.

It never got to the serious consideration phase, however, because MB has one tattoo which he does not like and regrets getting. He was never very big on the idea of me getting a tattoo inspired by him (Or probably any tattoo at all, though I imagine if it was really important to me he'd compromise. Maybe.) so I let the idea drop. He doesn't draw that track anymore, so I suppose it's a good thing I never got it inked. We do still often refer to ourselves as the Badgers or the Badger Clan, though. Of all my tattoo fantasies, I think this is the only one I wouldn't regret if I had actually gone through with it. I still kind of love the idea of a little badger track on the top of my foot. Maybe I should get one and convince MB to get a velociraptor track on his? (JUST KIDDING, HONEY. MAYBE. PROBABLY.)