So I walk up on high / And I step to the edge / To see my world below. *

Since I only get one weekend off work each month, MB and I are somewhat restricted as far as when we can plan to do stuff together. Since my birthday is coming up, MB designated this weekend as my "birthday weekend," and told me that he wanted to take me somewhere cool, somewhere I wanted to go. I wanted to go here, but it's a pretty long drive and we didn't really feel like spending money to stay one night in a hotel. Besides, according to weather.com, it was going to rain all day on Saturday, so we changed our plans. I'm still a little annoyed with weather.com for lying to me, because it was absolutely beautiful outside yesterday and today, with nary a rain cloud in sight. All in all, though, it was a really fantastic weekend, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Yesterday, we went on a bit of a road trip and visited Squire Boone Caverns, since caves are perfect places to spend the kind of rainy day we were supposed to have. I wish I'd taken notes during the tour, because I can't remember anything about the age of the cave or of the formations inside. It was very cool, though--one of the fanciest caves we've seen together. There were lots and lots of cave formations, and the guide actually got everything right. Usually, cave guides ask at the beginning of a tour if there are any geologists present. I never raise my hand, but MB always rats me out. Then I'm too polite to correct them when they impart incorrect information, like saying that the speleothems are made of onyx (They're not. Onyx is quartz, SiO2. Cave formations are made of calcite, CaCO3. Please show me one piece of limestone that dissolves to make quartz.). Anyway, our guide was right on with all the science, and she was fun.

The cave was supposedly discovered by the famous Daniel Boone and his brother, Squire Boone, Jr. According the to story, they went in through the natural entrance, scaled a series of three waterfalls (two eight-footers and a twelve-footer), and did some exploring in the lower level of the cave. No one knows how far into the cave they actually went, but according to our guide, most people don't think they went very far into the passageways, since they had only torches to rely on for light. Some people doubt that they actually made it up the waterfalls in the first place. It's a cool story, however it actually played out. Here's the top waterfall, the twelve-footer:


I believe the guide said about a million gallons pours over it in an average day.

Caves are crazy-cool places, and I feel really lucky to live near one of the biggest karst belts in the United States.


I could go on for quite some time about how awesome caves are and about the unique ecosystems they support, but I think pictures would be more fun, so here are some we took during the tour:

white flowstone
MB dubbed this the "cave penis"
This is the Rock of Ages, the largest and oldest formation in the cave.
According to our guide, these are the largest active (still growing) rimstone dams in the world.


MB called this "upside-down New York City."
At the lowest point in the cave, we were 9 stories underground. You could stand on the hill over the top of the cave and have no clue what was beneath your feet. It's mindblowing and awesome to think of all the wonder that could be hiding just out of sight. For more pictures from the cave trip, check out Shutterfly.


Today, we slept very late, which was fabulous, and then went hiking at a state park not too far from where we live:






After hiking, we went out to run a few errands, and MB bought me a two-in-one novel of Eric Garcia's Anonymous Rex and Casual Rex. My sister also gave me Terry Pratchett's Night Watch and Sergei Lukyanenko's Day Watch, so it's been a satisfactorily bookish birthday.

Let's end with some minutiae:

Dear Bravo,

Top Design turned out crappy enough. Now you're trying to get us swallow your new filler show, Shear Genius, a hairstylists' competition? You've got to be kidding. Please just give it a rest until you're ready to start the next season of Project Runway.

Thank you,
velocibadgergirl



Dear CW,

I know my addiction to America's Next Top Model is shameful, but I'd still appreciate it if you'd show it when you say you're going to show it. Otherwise, how am I supposed to be able to tape it while I'm out on Wednesday nights?

xoxo,
velocibadgergirl



What I've been doing with my evenings lately:

And some music:

Make Way for Puppies!

The day that I was saving a crib from the landfill, my parents were saving something a lot more precious and a lot more fun:


They rounded up these five little guys out in front of the house on Wednesday, after they found them wandering around in the flowerbeds, running across the street, and scrounging for food in a nearby alley.



There are two boys and three nearly-identical girls. Mom and Little Sis have named them already.

Streak & Boss (the boys) and Lady & Midi (I think)

The old dogs, ages 14 and 10, say, "Oy...these young whippersnappers!" and "Raising puppies? At our age? Ha!"

Mom and Dad put a "found" ad in the paper, and it'll run until Sunday, but they're not really expecting anyone to call. Five mouths to feed was apparently too much trouble for someone. Mom is planning to keep Streak and Lady, but living in the city--with two big dogs already--they can't keep all five. These three will have to go to the shelter if we can't find homes for them:

Boss times 2

Babi, the smallest  &  Midi, the middle child

Did you hear that sound, just now? Like pieces of glass tinkling gently to the floor? That was my heart breaking into a thousand pieces at the thought that these darling little lives might be snuffed out simply because someone was careless and left them to fend for themselves.

So tonight, please cross your fingers or say a little prayer or send out some hope that we can find three homes for three beautiful babies. And next time it's your turn to find a dog to warm your heart, please please consider a shelter dog. There are so many out there with so much love to give.



3/13/07--Edited to Add:

The original owners turned up; they live across the street and down a few houses. They still want to find homes for all the puppies, and when Mom asked if there was a deadline for when the puppies had to be adopted or they'd go to the pound, the owner said no. Mom kept Lady, now renamed Maggie. Dad vetoed keeping two, but I think Mom's still hoping she'll be able to go back for Streak. I'm offering not-so-subtle hints and suggestions toward that end whenever I get a chance.

The puppies are 2 months old, and we also found out the parentage--the father is a German shepherd and the mother is Australian shepherd / Border collie. I said, "Mom, that's one clever dog you've found for yourself." She bragged that she got the smartest of the bunch. Not that she's biased or anything.

MB and I went over to the house for a little bit and there were puppy accoutrements everywhere--toys, books, a freestanding pet pen thingie that can be moved around the house, etc. etc. etc. I think maybe Mom's empty-nesting a bit with miss Maggie. But that's okay, because Maggie's a total heartbreaker.



I'm still hoping that Dad will give in and let Mom get Streak, too.

Dumpster Diving Gone Wrong

You may have read about Upstairs Neighbor Guy before. He's a big improvement over the previous upstairs neighbor, the trashtastic chick with multiple elephantine children (sound-wise, not size-wise) and umpteen angry boyfriends. He does play his crappy music too loud at least once a week, but usually not for long, and there's that whole constant vacuuming thing, but overall he's a huge improvement. However, he has one incredibly obnoxious habit. He throws objects over the railing of his balcony. Most of the time, they clear our yardlet and fence and land on the lawn behind the building.

Back in December, I documented the appearance of a lampshade on the lawn:


Squirrel kegger gone wrong, or first sign that our neighbor is a freakin' froot loop?


Since the lampshade (and its attendant lamp), most of what I've found in our yardlet and on the lawn have been more ordinary if no less disgusting pieces of litter:  a KFC bucket, two huge pieces of sytrofoam, a broom handle, a large piece of that fake grass carpet that's used to build mini golf courses.

But then, last night / early this morning, around 12:30 or so, I was reading blogs and winding down for the evening when I heard the most godawful clang from the backyard. I flipped on the porch light, but didn't see anything. Figuring he'd definitely pitched something over, I checked again this morning. There's a damn toaster oven lying in pieces on the lawn. Who tosses small appliances over their balcony rail? Sweet cracker sandwich, this neighborhood is weird.




Now, this guy is a known Dumpster Diver. I'm afraid to think what his apartment probably looks like at this point, since I've heard numerous reports of him dragging stuff back from the trash bin. We threw out a folding chair with a wonky seat a few months ago, and MB saw Upstairs Neighbor Guy toting it home a few hours later. For the most part, I say more power to him. As I see it, Dumpster Diving is just another way to recycle / reuse stuff. But once he's done with whatever he's scavenged, I don't feel like it's too much to ask that he put it back where he found it.


I did a little Dumpster Diving of my own today, though it was more of a Spot Beside the Dumpster than a Dive. When I got home from work, there was a crib leaning against the fence behind the Dumpster. Someone threw away an entire crib. I was appalled. Granted, it's not the nicest crib in the world, but I'm sure someone would love to have it to fix up for their baby. It seemed like such a disgusting waste to let it get carted off to the landfill, so I ended up dragging it back to my apartment. I'm sure I provided immense amounts of entertainment to anyone who saw my scrawny out-of-shape ass hauling that damn baby bed down half a city block. My dad's going to come by with his pickup on Saturday so we can send the crib to Goodwill.


MB was out having dinner with our good friend / Evilducky's husband, The Englishman, so I called to warn him before he had a chance to come home and discover the crib on his own:

VBG:  "Hey, honey? I just wanted to let you know that there's going to be a folded-up crib in the living room when you get home, so don't freak out."

MB:  "A what?"

VBG:  "A crib. A baby's bed? I didn't want you to come home and be all 'What the fuck?' so I figured I'd better warn you."

MB:  "Can I still be like that?"

VBG:  "Sure. You'll have some time to practice."

Widgets Make Good Party Favors

I totally stole this from Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing. See? This blog party thing is already paying off!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Because I'm a sucker for really intricate web widgets, I took screen shots of each page of my Visual DNA book. I feel like this is another way I can do a "get to know me" type post for the party.


DREAMER: Always drifting off, their imagination takes control. They have big ideas, and a cool calm manner.

No arguments from me!


CONQUEROR: They are full of ambition and energy--cavalier and always moving onto the next level.

Hmmm...I don't think that "cavalier" (haughty, disdainful, or supercilious) really describes me very well. I think I'm more of a mix between Escape Artist and Thriller:

ESCAPE ARTIST: They are forever slipping off, getting away from the rat race, and recharging those batteries. Independent, and thoughtful--they know themselves well.

THRILLER: They can make the best of any situation--always a lot of fun to be around. They love to laugh, and have a bit of a naughty side.


HIGH TIME ROLLER: They are only seen in the best, and the finest, they love top quality, high-end glamour. Always adding a touch of sophistication to the proceedings.

This one is really off the mark. I have a feeling my choice of bedroom probably threw it off. Or something. Anyway, I'm pretty confident that this is me instead:

BACK TO BASICS: They are striving for a simpler life, they do without disposable trends--they are inspired by nature and longevity.


LOVE BUG: They are the type to fall in love a thousand times a day. Their feelings snowball quickly, and they are full of passion.

I can see this one applying to me as long as the love in question isn't solely romantic. As far as romantic love goes, I've only been in love once--with MB. As for loving lots of things and lots of people easily and quickly, however, that's me through and through.

I also think I have a touch of the Home Soul:

HOME SOUL: Their heart is always at their nest, they place real importance on friendships. They are family minded, and forge strong relationships.




Reading: Garbage land : on the secret trail of trash by Elizabeth Royte,
Skulls and bones : a guide to the skeletal structures and behavior of North American mammals by Glenn Searfoss


Playing: Show Your Bones by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Click over to their MySpace to hear "Phenomenon," of the most kickass tracks I've heard in some time. (Sorry...the little stream-a-song blog widget site is down tonight. Bollocks.)


Thrift Store Love:


Item: Sue hand puppet
Store: my favorite Goodwill
Price: 50 cents

I didn't realize this was a Sue puppet until I got it out of the dryer tonight. My amusement was heightened by the fact that I was already drinking milk out of this mug when I made the discovery:



While I was poking around on the Sue Shop website, I came across this book, which is very good and not too blah-blah-science-blah.

Finding that reminded me of the last time I was at the Field Museum, and the supercool book that I bought during that visit: The Skull Alphabet Book

OK, time to stop adding stuff! Hope you like the widgety goodness!

P-A-R-T-why? Because we can!

I'm jumping on Brown Eyed Girl's bandwagon and joining the 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party. You don't have to be a mom to participate, and when I did NaBloPoMo I discovered lots of cool blogs, so I figure this might be fun, too.

The idea is to post an entry telling about / introducing yourself and your blog, invite all your friends to come to the party as well, throw the spiffy retro icon in your sidebar for the week, and then add your blog address to the list over at 5 Minutes for Mom.

I realized a while back that I kind of just jumped into the blog thing, assuming that the only people who'd ever read it were friends from "real life." Now that I actually get some traffic from people who haven't known me for years, I figure it behooves me somewhat to do some kind of introduction. A party seems like the perfect place, so let's get to it.


Velocibadgergirl is my most frequently-used online pseudonym, though not my only one. My real name is not so unusual that people stare and say "really?" when they hear it, but unusual enough that I've never actually met anyone with the same first name as me. I was named for my dad, which explains the somewhat odd spelling of my somewhat uncommon name. The spelling accounts for the fact that about 75% of the population seem incapable of pronouncing my name correctly when they see it written out and have to guess. This baffles me, as it's pretty much spelled like it sounds. My middle name, on the other hand, is vastly common both in spelling and in occurrence, and is actually the same as Danger's middle name. Because my name is somewhat rare, I plan to keep it secret, just to reduce my Googleability. Sorry...that's just how I roll.


I will be 26 next Tuesday, but I was born on a Friday, which is terrifically cool. I am married to MB, my fantastic husband, my bestest of best friends, the love of my life, my soul mate, my true partner, who was born exactly three months to the day before me. We've been married for nearly 3 years, and our wedding took place 4 years to the day after we met. I moved in with him after my junior year in college, when my mom told me "I'd rather you move in with your boyfriend" when she found out that the two girls I was planning to move in with tended to smoke pot. Needless to say I didn't stick around to ask questions, because how often in the history of the Universe has a mother uttered those words? We don't have any children yet, but someday we'd like to have two, and though we really just want happy, healthy kids, secretly (a.k.a. publicly, on the internet) we're really hoping for a boy and a girl. We're already 95% sure we know what we'll name them if we get one of each. As picky and stubborn as we both are, it's probably for the best that we're battling all of the name stuff out ahead of time.


I was in college for 5 years, and earned a BS in geology and a BA in English with a creative writing emphasis. I write fiction, but I almost never call myself a writer. In my experience, the more eager someone is to proclaim that he or she is a writer, the less likely it is that the person doing the claiming is actually any good at it. Just because you can competently string together sentences doesn't really mean you should go around telling people you're a writer...to me that term refers to someone who is pretty good at it, and probably recognized as such by someone other than themselves, their friends, and their family members. I've never been published, so I don't really count myself as a real writer, though I really wish I could be one. You will probably never, ever see any of my fiction posted here, because I'm pretty shy about it. If you know me in real life or I've known you online for a while, I might be willing to let you read something, but no promises.


I love love love to read. I read all the time, and I'll read almost anything. I'm not too much for mysteries or romance, or space-based sci-fi, but other than that, I'm probably game. In the last seven days, I've been to the library at least three times. I tend to head there anytime I get an itch to learn about something. Last week I went to get books about Ice Age megafauna. Then I went back the next day to get books about light and color for a lesson plan I'm writing for work. I went today and picked up some books about forests and conservation. I usually take a book with me everywhere I go, because I hate sitting and being bored with a fiery passion. I haaaate it. If there's nothing to do and I don't have a book, I'll read anything I can find, even the backs of packages. I'm insatiable.


I talk A LOT. If you get annoyed by people who talk a lot or talk fast, we could never be in-person friends. I also swear more than a lady should, so if you're offended by profanity, this is definitely not the blog for you. I am extremely open-minded, passionate about environmental issues, and very liberal, and while I try to keep my politics to myself, there are a few hot-button issues that I can get spun up about really, really easily. I try to respect everyone's opinions and political views, and I expect the same respect in return.


I grew up Catholic, went to a K-8 Catholic school (followed by public high school), and married MB at the Catholic church that I went to throughout my childhood and that my parents still attend. I haven't been to Mass since Christmas, and before that I hadn't been since Easter, and I won't go again until this Easter. I went every Sunday during Lent last year, but whatever I was looking for, I didn't exactly find it. I'm not sure what I believe or what label fits me. I'm not terribly religious, but I have some beliefs and some ideas, and at times I feel pretty spiritual. You probably won't see too much religion on the blog. Please do not use this as an opportunity to witness to me or try to convince me to get saved.


I have a job that rocks, to the point where some days it is almost physically painful to not write about it. However, I don't feel like it would be responsible to write about my job on the blog, so I try to keep it off limits. In vague terms, I am a non-traditional educator, teaching science to kids in non-classroom settings on an almost daily basis. Sometimes I do that directly, and sometimes I do it indirectly through programming and planning. I can't really say much more than that, which sucks because I LOVE my job. There are days when I feel like I was born to do what I'm doing, like everything I did in my life prior to landing this job was just preparation for this job. It's exhilarating and wonderful and I am so very thankful. I also feel like a bit of a jackass whenever any of my friends go through hard times at jobs that don't quite fit, or end up hating what they do. But I'd rather be a jackass than give up my work, that's for sure.


I am a massive, massive nerd. I love to learn. If you gave me a choice between lying on a beach for a week, drinking mojitos and taking in the sun on a tropical island paradise or spending a week taking an educational workshop about the ocean, I'd choose the workshop without a moment of hesitation. I'm in an eight-week master naturalist program right now, and it's killing me that the class is more than halfway over. I'd be pretty stoked if we could just keep attending Monday night classes for the rest of the year.


I have one sister, and both of us are (happily) adopted. (More on that here if you're interested. Be warned: it's a bit ranty.) My parents fostered dozens and dozens of children while I was growing up, starting when I was four and continuing until halfway through my sophomore year in high school. When I see movies and TV shows that depict stereotypically evil or careless foster parents, it hurts my feelings a bit, because my parents were always loving and caring and giving, and our foster siblings were always treated the same as we were, even though we were the "real" kids of the family.


MB and I have one cat, and I talk about him way too much. He's quite photogenic, way too clever for his own good, and quite possibly the fluffiest feline on the entire planet. I love him more than a girl should love a cat, most of the time. He's as rotten as the day is long, but I wouldn't trade him for anything.

from xkcd, my new favorite webcomic


And, as a last fact about me, I am an Olympic-caliber thrift store shopper. I am a complete bargain whore, and I have really good luck finding kickass stuff, most of the time. Five of my favorite shirts to wear to work were purchases at local Goodwill and Salvation Army stores:


The winter coat I've worn every year since 2003 was purchased at a Salvation Army in Stratford, Ontario, for 2.50 USD. I once bought a faux-sheepskin-lined reddish brown leather coat for $1.90 at one of the Salvation Army stores in my hometown. The dresser that I have in my bedroom right now was purchased at my favorite Goodwill store. I also love me some clearance rack goodness.


OK, that is definitely, definitely enough about me. Now it's your turn to join the party, if you're interested! I made brownies and there's gouda, and I've got some CDs on shuffle, and we can totally play Munchkin all night! (Also, there's now three expansions for the original that I don't have! Woe! Rending of garments!)

xoxo
velocibadgergirl

Interlude

I took these first two pictures on Friday, after I finished one of the de-cluttering projects I'd been meaning to tackle for at least a year. I went through the drawer of receipts that MB has been amassing pretty much since we moved into this apartment in May of 2004 (he keeps them in case we need them, but never takes the time to weed them out periodically). I clicked over to Swistle and saw that she's documenting her own clutter-busting project, and it reminded me that I'd taken drawer pictures, so here goes:



I know the second picture doesn't appear to show much change, but if you look closely, I'm hoping it'll be obvious that the once-overflowing drawer now contains only a thin layer of 2007 receipts.

Swistle is advocating ten-minute projects, but this one took about 4 hours, maybe a bit more. I worked on it for a little over an hour on Thursday morning, then worked on it all through The Devil Wears Prada and through most of Hoot yesterday afternoon. I knew it took a lot of receipts to fill an entire dresser drawer, but shredded along with about two dozen pre-approved credit card applications, they filled up an entire trash bag. Not a little white 13 gallon one, either--one of the big black lawn-bag sized ones. Yikes. I'm hoping against hope that Danger and her mom will be able to use it to help make compost for the lasagna garden they're starting this spring / summer.

After I finished the drawer project, I finally got my ass in gear and printed out the forms from the Direct Marketing Association that should take both MB and me off of junk mailing lists. It costs $1 per name, but I figure it'll be well worth it, both for our clutter level and for reducing the amount of waste we generate. I also filled out the free online form for opting out of pre-screened credit card offers for five years. Man, that will be nice.



Decided lack of appropriate segue...

Evilducky gave me this awesome hat the other night, and since she hasn't got her own blog fully up and running yet, I'm going to post its picture here, in celebration of its fantabulousness.




Similarly:

MB and I saw The Holiday this evening, and we both liked it very much. I heart Kate Winslet and Eli Wallach. I heart them hinty billion.



And last, but not least...


Kitters really, really loves bread.

Let's talk about sex, baby

(a.k.a. the post in which I destroy any lingering illusions that I am ladylike)

Specifically, let's talk about sex toys. No, I'm not going to get personal. Don't worry. Even if I owned sex toys, I definitely wouldn't tell anyone about it on the internet. However, I do find them sort of oddly fascinating, as a whole. Not so much the fact that they exist, because that does make total sense, but the sheer variety. I thought about adding pictures to this post (and trust me, I found some great ones), but that would render it completely and utterly not safe for work, and I don't want to risk getting anyone in trouble.

I've only been to one sex shop ever. Back when Danger and MacGyver got married, I was the maid of honor. I had an absolutely kickass dress, but the back of the dress from the waist up was just criss-crossed cords. I wish I had a good picture of it, because it's gorgeous. I'm still pissy that my tatas are too bodacious for that dress now. Anyway, I needed a strapless, super low-backed bra. And I'm a bit...well, chesty. So bra shopping for plain old regular bras can be a challenge. This was like DEFCON 3 of undergarment shopping, and I had to call in the troops.

I somehow happened upon the idea that the local sex-toy and naughty gear shop might have some kind of merry widow / bustier type thing I could wear, so the trusty Danger accompanied me. It may amuse you to know that, at this point in my life, I was still technically a virgin (but not really all that innocent). Before we found bras to try on, we were of course side-tracked by the vast assortment of sex toys on display--dildos and vibrators and whips and games and pretty much everything else you can imagine at a place that uses the slogan "where fun and fantasy meet." There was a swing, people. I remember being most perplexed by the variety of patterns and colors of dildos, and the fact that said dildos were being marketed on the strength of these patterns and colors.

In a way, I can see how that's the only way to go with a basic vibrator. I mean, a plastic penis is a plastic penis is a plastic penis when you're just talking about the really basic non-enhanced faux unit, so the manufacturers have to come up with some way for their products to stand out in a crowd. But I have to say that when I saw one that had a Hawaiian print slapped all over and was marketed as some kind of island paradise experience, I had to wonder why my hoo-ha should care what color vibrator I might pick out for it. I really doubt that my vajayjay has color vision.

Plus, wouldn't there be pressure to make sure your toy didn't clash with your bedroom decor? I've always been under the impression that the really with-it girls usually make sure they put on a bra that matches their underpants most days, and I can't even manage that. How would I ever be able to make sure my sheets, blankets, and choice of wall art matched the mood evoked by a hibiscus-print plastic penis?


Naturally, thinking about our long-ago trip to the sex shop got me wondering...how many variations on a theme are there, really? How many weird nubs and ridges and sparkle glitter polymers and animal-shaped enhancements can be added to the basic phallic stand-in? Turns out, quite a lot of 'em. As you may be able to tell from the strange stuff I've researched in the past (like Barbie, roly-polies, and the 1811/1812 New Madrid earthquakes), I tend to be immensely curious about things. It's just the way the science major mind works, I think. So of course thinking about writing this post led to some online research, and man...it's a whole new world out there. Again, I'm not going to post pics, but there is some crazy stuff on the net, and some pretty fun-looking stuff, too. The best site I found was Good Vibrations, which I felt to be very female-centered, very non-threatening, and completely non-scuzzy. Don't check it out at work, though.

Now, I have no problem with any kind of sex toys. I'm about as open-minded as you can get when it comes to sex, and even stuff I'd never do, I've got no problems with other people doing it, as long as it's all consensual and no one's getting hurt. But some of this stuff? If I opened a drawer and it was in there, it would seriously take me some time to figure out what the hell it was supposed to do. And considering that animal print sheets are pretty much the epitome of bedding sleaze, I have to say that an animal print vibrator would totally out-skank an animal print bedding set. Say no. Just say no.



PS The gods wanted me to write this post. I started it, had to leave for a volunteer meeting, and then came back to find the following in my Google search stats for the day: "menorah dildo holder." Who am I to argue with destiny?

PPS I now officially have reason to hope that my parents don't ever decide to join the world of internet access. And maybe a good reason not to email a link to my little sister. Bollocks.



Reading: Garbage land : on the secret trail of trash by Elizabeth Royte, Skulls and bones : a guide to the skeletal structures and behavior of North American mammals by Glenn Searfoss


Playing: Eye to the Telescope by KT Tunstall