Make Way for Puppies!

The day that I was saving a crib from the landfill, my parents were saving something a lot more precious and a lot more fun:


They rounded up these five little guys out in front of the house on Wednesday, after they found them wandering around in the flowerbeds, running across the street, and scrounging for food in a nearby alley.



There are two boys and three nearly-identical girls. Mom and Little Sis have named them already.

Streak & Boss (the boys) and Lady & Midi (I think)

The old dogs, ages 14 and 10, say, "Oy...these young whippersnappers!" and "Raising puppies? At our age? Ha!"

Mom and Dad put a "found" ad in the paper, and it'll run until Sunday, but they're not really expecting anyone to call. Five mouths to feed was apparently too much trouble for someone. Mom is planning to keep Streak and Lady, but living in the city--with two big dogs already--they can't keep all five. These three will have to go to the shelter if we can't find homes for them:

Boss times 2

Babi, the smallest  &  Midi, the middle child

Did you hear that sound, just now? Like pieces of glass tinkling gently to the floor? That was my heart breaking into a thousand pieces at the thought that these darling little lives might be snuffed out simply because someone was careless and left them to fend for themselves.

So tonight, please cross your fingers or say a little prayer or send out some hope that we can find three homes for three beautiful babies. And next time it's your turn to find a dog to warm your heart, please please consider a shelter dog. There are so many out there with so much love to give.



3/13/07--Edited to Add:

The original owners turned up; they live across the street and down a few houses. They still want to find homes for all the puppies, and when Mom asked if there was a deadline for when the puppies had to be adopted or they'd go to the pound, the owner said no. Mom kept Lady, now renamed Maggie. Dad vetoed keeping two, but I think Mom's still hoping she'll be able to go back for Streak. I'm offering not-so-subtle hints and suggestions toward that end whenever I get a chance.

The puppies are 2 months old, and we also found out the parentage--the father is a German shepherd and the mother is Australian shepherd / Border collie. I said, "Mom, that's one clever dog you've found for yourself." She bragged that she got the smartest of the bunch. Not that she's biased or anything.

MB and I went over to the house for a little bit and there were puppy accoutrements everywhere--toys, books, a freestanding pet pen thingie that can be moved around the house, etc. etc. etc. I think maybe Mom's empty-nesting a bit with miss Maggie. But that's okay, because Maggie's a total heartbreaker.



I'm still hoping that Dad will give in and let Mom get Streak, too.

Dumpster Diving Gone Wrong

You may have read about Upstairs Neighbor Guy before. He's a big improvement over the previous upstairs neighbor, the trashtastic chick with multiple elephantine children (sound-wise, not size-wise) and umpteen angry boyfriends. He does play his crappy music too loud at least once a week, but usually not for long, and there's that whole constant vacuuming thing, but overall he's a huge improvement. However, he has one incredibly obnoxious habit. He throws objects over the railing of his balcony. Most of the time, they clear our yardlet and fence and land on the lawn behind the building.

Back in December, I documented the appearance of a lampshade on the lawn:


Squirrel kegger gone wrong, or first sign that our neighbor is a freakin' froot loop?


Since the lampshade (and its attendant lamp), most of what I've found in our yardlet and on the lawn have been more ordinary if no less disgusting pieces of litter:  a KFC bucket, two huge pieces of sytrofoam, a broom handle, a large piece of that fake grass carpet that's used to build mini golf courses.

But then, last night / early this morning, around 12:30 or so, I was reading blogs and winding down for the evening when I heard the most godawful clang from the backyard. I flipped on the porch light, but didn't see anything. Figuring he'd definitely pitched something over, I checked again this morning. There's a damn toaster oven lying in pieces on the lawn. Who tosses small appliances over their balcony rail? Sweet cracker sandwich, this neighborhood is weird.




Now, this guy is a known Dumpster Diver. I'm afraid to think what his apartment probably looks like at this point, since I've heard numerous reports of him dragging stuff back from the trash bin. We threw out a folding chair with a wonky seat a few months ago, and MB saw Upstairs Neighbor Guy toting it home a few hours later. For the most part, I say more power to him. As I see it, Dumpster Diving is just another way to recycle / reuse stuff. But once he's done with whatever he's scavenged, I don't feel like it's too much to ask that he put it back where he found it.


I did a little Dumpster Diving of my own today, though it was more of a Spot Beside the Dumpster than a Dive. When I got home from work, there was a crib leaning against the fence behind the Dumpster. Someone threw away an entire crib. I was appalled. Granted, it's not the nicest crib in the world, but I'm sure someone would love to have it to fix up for their baby. It seemed like such a disgusting waste to let it get carted off to the landfill, so I ended up dragging it back to my apartment. I'm sure I provided immense amounts of entertainment to anyone who saw my scrawny out-of-shape ass hauling that damn baby bed down half a city block. My dad's going to come by with his pickup on Saturday so we can send the crib to Goodwill.


MB was out having dinner with our good friend / Evilducky's husband, The Englishman, so I called to warn him before he had a chance to come home and discover the crib on his own:

VBG:  "Hey, honey? I just wanted to let you know that there's going to be a folded-up crib in the living room when you get home, so don't freak out."

MB:  "A what?"

VBG:  "A crib. A baby's bed? I didn't want you to come home and be all 'What the fuck?' so I figured I'd better warn you."

MB:  "Can I still be like that?"

VBG:  "Sure. You'll have some time to practice."

Widgets Make Good Party Favors

I totally stole this from Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing. See? This blog party thing is already paying off!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Because I'm a sucker for really intricate web widgets, I took screen shots of each page of my Visual DNA book. I feel like this is another way I can do a "get to know me" type post for the party.


DREAMER: Always drifting off, their imagination takes control. They have big ideas, and a cool calm manner.

No arguments from me!


CONQUEROR: They are full of ambition and energy--cavalier and always moving onto the next level.

Hmmm...I don't think that "cavalier" (haughty, disdainful, or supercilious) really describes me very well. I think I'm more of a mix between Escape Artist and Thriller:

ESCAPE ARTIST: They are forever slipping off, getting away from the rat race, and recharging those batteries. Independent, and thoughtful--they know themselves well.

THRILLER: They can make the best of any situation--always a lot of fun to be around. They love to laugh, and have a bit of a naughty side.


HIGH TIME ROLLER: They are only seen in the best, and the finest, they love top quality, high-end glamour. Always adding a touch of sophistication to the proceedings.

This one is really off the mark. I have a feeling my choice of bedroom probably threw it off. Or something. Anyway, I'm pretty confident that this is me instead:

BACK TO BASICS: They are striving for a simpler life, they do without disposable trends--they are inspired by nature and longevity.


LOVE BUG: They are the type to fall in love a thousand times a day. Their feelings snowball quickly, and they are full of passion.

I can see this one applying to me as long as the love in question isn't solely romantic. As far as romantic love goes, I've only been in love once--with MB. As for loving lots of things and lots of people easily and quickly, however, that's me through and through.

I also think I have a touch of the Home Soul:

HOME SOUL: Their heart is always at their nest, they place real importance on friendships. They are family minded, and forge strong relationships.




Reading: Garbage land : on the secret trail of trash by Elizabeth Royte,
Skulls and bones : a guide to the skeletal structures and behavior of North American mammals by Glenn Searfoss


Playing: Show Your Bones by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Click over to their MySpace to hear "Phenomenon," of the most kickass tracks I've heard in some time. (Sorry...the little stream-a-song blog widget site is down tonight. Bollocks.)


Thrift Store Love:


Item: Sue hand puppet
Store: my favorite Goodwill
Price: 50 cents

I didn't realize this was a Sue puppet until I got it out of the dryer tonight. My amusement was heightened by the fact that I was already drinking milk out of this mug when I made the discovery:



While I was poking around on the Sue Shop website, I came across this book, which is very good and not too blah-blah-science-blah.

Finding that reminded me of the last time I was at the Field Museum, and the supercool book that I bought during that visit: The Skull Alphabet Book

OK, time to stop adding stuff! Hope you like the widgety goodness!

P-A-R-T-why? Because we can!

I'm jumping on Brown Eyed Girl's bandwagon and joining the 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party. You don't have to be a mom to participate, and when I did NaBloPoMo I discovered lots of cool blogs, so I figure this might be fun, too.

The idea is to post an entry telling about / introducing yourself and your blog, invite all your friends to come to the party as well, throw the spiffy retro icon in your sidebar for the week, and then add your blog address to the list over at 5 Minutes for Mom.

I realized a while back that I kind of just jumped into the blog thing, assuming that the only people who'd ever read it were friends from "real life." Now that I actually get some traffic from people who haven't known me for years, I figure it behooves me somewhat to do some kind of introduction. A party seems like the perfect place, so let's get to it.


Velocibadgergirl is my most frequently-used online pseudonym, though not my only one. My real name is not so unusual that people stare and say "really?" when they hear it, but unusual enough that I've never actually met anyone with the same first name as me. I was named for my dad, which explains the somewhat odd spelling of my somewhat uncommon name. The spelling accounts for the fact that about 75% of the population seem incapable of pronouncing my name correctly when they see it written out and have to guess. This baffles me, as it's pretty much spelled like it sounds. My middle name, on the other hand, is vastly common both in spelling and in occurrence, and is actually the same as Danger's middle name. Because my name is somewhat rare, I plan to keep it secret, just to reduce my Googleability. Sorry...that's just how I roll.


I will be 26 next Tuesday, but I was born on a Friday, which is terrifically cool. I am married to MB, my fantastic husband, my bestest of best friends, the love of my life, my soul mate, my true partner, who was born exactly three months to the day before me. We've been married for nearly 3 years, and our wedding took place 4 years to the day after we met. I moved in with him after my junior year in college, when my mom told me "I'd rather you move in with your boyfriend" when she found out that the two girls I was planning to move in with tended to smoke pot. Needless to say I didn't stick around to ask questions, because how often in the history of the Universe has a mother uttered those words? We don't have any children yet, but someday we'd like to have two, and though we really just want happy, healthy kids, secretly (a.k.a. publicly, on the internet) we're really hoping for a boy and a girl. We're already 95% sure we know what we'll name them if we get one of each. As picky and stubborn as we both are, it's probably for the best that we're battling all of the name stuff out ahead of time.


I was in college for 5 years, and earned a BS in geology and a BA in English with a creative writing emphasis. I write fiction, but I almost never call myself a writer. In my experience, the more eager someone is to proclaim that he or she is a writer, the less likely it is that the person doing the claiming is actually any good at it. Just because you can competently string together sentences doesn't really mean you should go around telling people you're a writer...to me that term refers to someone who is pretty good at it, and probably recognized as such by someone other than themselves, their friends, and their family members. I've never been published, so I don't really count myself as a real writer, though I really wish I could be one. You will probably never, ever see any of my fiction posted here, because I'm pretty shy about it. If you know me in real life or I've known you online for a while, I might be willing to let you read something, but no promises.


I love love love to read. I read all the time, and I'll read almost anything. I'm not too much for mysteries or romance, or space-based sci-fi, but other than that, I'm probably game. In the last seven days, I've been to the library at least three times. I tend to head there anytime I get an itch to learn about something. Last week I went to get books about Ice Age megafauna. Then I went back the next day to get books about light and color for a lesson plan I'm writing for work. I went today and picked up some books about forests and conservation. I usually take a book with me everywhere I go, because I hate sitting and being bored with a fiery passion. I haaaate it. If there's nothing to do and I don't have a book, I'll read anything I can find, even the backs of packages. I'm insatiable.


I talk A LOT. If you get annoyed by people who talk a lot or talk fast, we could never be in-person friends. I also swear more than a lady should, so if you're offended by profanity, this is definitely not the blog for you. I am extremely open-minded, passionate about environmental issues, and very liberal, and while I try to keep my politics to myself, there are a few hot-button issues that I can get spun up about really, really easily. I try to respect everyone's opinions and political views, and I expect the same respect in return.


I grew up Catholic, went to a K-8 Catholic school (followed by public high school), and married MB at the Catholic church that I went to throughout my childhood and that my parents still attend. I haven't been to Mass since Christmas, and before that I hadn't been since Easter, and I won't go again until this Easter. I went every Sunday during Lent last year, but whatever I was looking for, I didn't exactly find it. I'm not sure what I believe or what label fits me. I'm not terribly religious, but I have some beliefs and some ideas, and at times I feel pretty spiritual. You probably won't see too much religion on the blog. Please do not use this as an opportunity to witness to me or try to convince me to get saved.


I have a job that rocks, to the point where some days it is almost physically painful to not write about it. However, I don't feel like it would be responsible to write about my job on the blog, so I try to keep it off limits. In vague terms, I am a non-traditional educator, teaching science to kids in non-classroom settings on an almost daily basis. Sometimes I do that directly, and sometimes I do it indirectly through programming and planning. I can't really say much more than that, which sucks because I LOVE my job. There are days when I feel like I was born to do what I'm doing, like everything I did in my life prior to landing this job was just preparation for this job. It's exhilarating and wonderful and I am so very thankful. I also feel like a bit of a jackass whenever any of my friends go through hard times at jobs that don't quite fit, or end up hating what they do. But I'd rather be a jackass than give up my work, that's for sure.


I am a massive, massive nerd. I love to learn. If you gave me a choice between lying on a beach for a week, drinking mojitos and taking in the sun on a tropical island paradise or spending a week taking an educational workshop about the ocean, I'd choose the workshop without a moment of hesitation. I'm in an eight-week master naturalist program right now, and it's killing me that the class is more than halfway over. I'd be pretty stoked if we could just keep attending Monday night classes for the rest of the year.


I have one sister, and both of us are (happily) adopted. (More on that here if you're interested. Be warned: it's a bit ranty.) My parents fostered dozens and dozens of children while I was growing up, starting when I was four and continuing until halfway through my sophomore year in high school. When I see movies and TV shows that depict stereotypically evil or careless foster parents, it hurts my feelings a bit, because my parents were always loving and caring and giving, and our foster siblings were always treated the same as we were, even though we were the "real" kids of the family.


MB and I have one cat, and I talk about him way too much. He's quite photogenic, way too clever for his own good, and quite possibly the fluffiest feline on the entire planet. I love him more than a girl should love a cat, most of the time. He's as rotten as the day is long, but I wouldn't trade him for anything.

from xkcd, my new favorite webcomic


And, as a last fact about me, I am an Olympic-caliber thrift store shopper. I am a complete bargain whore, and I have really good luck finding kickass stuff, most of the time. Five of my favorite shirts to wear to work were purchases at local Goodwill and Salvation Army stores:


The winter coat I've worn every year since 2003 was purchased at a Salvation Army in Stratford, Ontario, for 2.50 USD. I once bought a faux-sheepskin-lined reddish brown leather coat for $1.90 at one of the Salvation Army stores in my hometown. The dresser that I have in my bedroom right now was purchased at my favorite Goodwill store. I also love me some clearance rack goodness.


OK, that is definitely, definitely enough about me. Now it's your turn to join the party, if you're interested! I made brownies and there's gouda, and I've got some CDs on shuffle, and we can totally play Munchkin all night! (Also, there's now three expansions for the original that I don't have! Woe! Rending of garments!)

xoxo
velocibadgergirl

Interlude

I took these first two pictures on Friday, after I finished one of the de-cluttering projects I'd been meaning to tackle for at least a year. I went through the drawer of receipts that MB has been amassing pretty much since we moved into this apartment in May of 2004 (he keeps them in case we need them, but never takes the time to weed them out periodically). I clicked over to Swistle and saw that she's documenting her own clutter-busting project, and it reminded me that I'd taken drawer pictures, so here goes:



I know the second picture doesn't appear to show much change, but if you look closely, I'm hoping it'll be obvious that the once-overflowing drawer now contains only a thin layer of 2007 receipts.

Swistle is advocating ten-minute projects, but this one took about 4 hours, maybe a bit more. I worked on it for a little over an hour on Thursday morning, then worked on it all through The Devil Wears Prada and through most of Hoot yesterday afternoon. I knew it took a lot of receipts to fill an entire dresser drawer, but shredded along with about two dozen pre-approved credit card applications, they filled up an entire trash bag. Not a little white 13 gallon one, either--one of the big black lawn-bag sized ones. Yikes. I'm hoping against hope that Danger and her mom will be able to use it to help make compost for the lasagna garden they're starting this spring / summer.

After I finished the drawer project, I finally got my ass in gear and printed out the forms from the Direct Marketing Association that should take both MB and me off of junk mailing lists. It costs $1 per name, but I figure it'll be well worth it, both for our clutter level and for reducing the amount of waste we generate. I also filled out the free online form for opting out of pre-screened credit card offers for five years. Man, that will be nice.



Decided lack of appropriate segue...

Evilducky gave me this awesome hat the other night, and since she hasn't got her own blog fully up and running yet, I'm going to post its picture here, in celebration of its fantabulousness.




Similarly:

MB and I saw The Holiday this evening, and we both liked it very much. I heart Kate Winslet and Eli Wallach. I heart them hinty billion.



And last, but not least...


Kitters really, really loves bread.

Let's talk about sex, baby

(a.k.a. the post in which I destroy any lingering illusions that I am ladylike)

Specifically, let's talk about sex toys. No, I'm not going to get personal. Don't worry. Even if I owned sex toys, I definitely wouldn't tell anyone about it on the internet. However, I do find them sort of oddly fascinating, as a whole. Not so much the fact that they exist, because that does make total sense, but the sheer variety. I thought about adding pictures to this post (and trust me, I found some great ones), but that would render it completely and utterly not safe for work, and I don't want to risk getting anyone in trouble.

I've only been to one sex shop ever. Back when Danger and MacGyver got married, I was the maid of honor. I had an absolutely kickass dress, but the back of the dress from the waist up was just criss-crossed cords. I wish I had a good picture of it, because it's gorgeous. I'm still pissy that my tatas are too bodacious for that dress now. Anyway, I needed a strapless, super low-backed bra. And I'm a bit...well, chesty. So bra shopping for plain old regular bras can be a challenge. This was like DEFCON 3 of undergarment shopping, and I had to call in the troops.

I somehow happened upon the idea that the local sex-toy and naughty gear shop might have some kind of merry widow / bustier type thing I could wear, so the trusty Danger accompanied me. It may amuse you to know that, at this point in my life, I was still technically a virgin (but not really all that innocent). Before we found bras to try on, we were of course side-tracked by the vast assortment of sex toys on display--dildos and vibrators and whips and games and pretty much everything else you can imagine at a place that uses the slogan "where fun and fantasy meet." There was a swing, people. I remember being most perplexed by the variety of patterns and colors of dildos, and the fact that said dildos were being marketed on the strength of these patterns and colors.

In a way, I can see how that's the only way to go with a basic vibrator. I mean, a plastic penis is a plastic penis is a plastic penis when you're just talking about the really basic non-enhanced faux unit, so the manufacturers have to come up with some way for their products to stand out in a crowd. But I have to say that when I saw one that had a Hawaiian print slapped all over and was marketed as some kind of island paradise experience, I had to wonder why my hoo-ha should care what color vibrator I might pick out for it. I really doubt that my vajayjay has color vision.

Plus, wouldn't there be pressure to make sure your toy didn't clash with your bedroom decor? I've always been under the impression that the really with-it girls usually make sure they put on a bra that matches their underpants most days, and I can't even manage that. How would I ever be able to make sure my sheets, blankets, and choice of wall art matched the mood evoked by a hibiscus-print plastic penis?


Naturally, thinking about our long-ago trip to the sex shop got me wondering...how many variations on a theme are there, really? How many weird nubs and ridges and sparkle glitter polymers and animal-shaped enhancements can be added to the basic phallic stand-in? Turns out, quite a lot of 'em. As you may be able to tell from the strange stuff I've researched in the past (like Barbie, roly-polies, and the 1811/1812 New Madrid earthquakes), I tend to be immensely curious about things. It's just the way the science major mind works, I think. So of course thinking about writing this post led to some online research, and man...it's a whole new world out there. Again, I'm not going to post pics, but there is some crazy stuff on the net, and some pretty fun-looking stuff, too. The best site I found was Good Vibrations, which I felt to be very female-centered, very non-threatening, and completely non-scuzzy. Don't check it out at work, though.

Now, I have no problem with any kind of sex toys. I'm about as open-minded as you can get when it comes to sex, and even stuff I'd never do, I've got no problems with other people doing it, as long as it's all consensual and no one's getting hurt. But some of this stuff? If I opened a drawer and it was in there, it would seriously take me some time to figure out what the hell it was supposed to do. And considering that animal print sheets are pretty much the epitome of bedding sleaze, I have to say that an animal print vibrator would totally out-skank an animal print bedding set. Say no. Just say no.



PS The gods wanted me to write this post. I started it, had to leave for a volunteer meeting, and then came back to find the following in my Google search stats for the day: "menorah dildo holder." Who am I to argue with destiny?

PPS I now officially have reason to hope that my parents don't ever decide to join the world of internet access. And maybe a good reason not to email a link to my little sister. Bollocks.



Reading: Garbage land : on the secret trail of trash by Elizabeth Royte, Skulls and bones : a guide to the skeletal structures and behavior of North American mammals by Glenn Searfoss


Playing: Eye to the Telescope by KT Tunstall

The Road Not Taken

I've been seeing a lot of interesting Google search queries in my stats lately. It's one of my very favorite things about sitemeter, and I'm always really disappointed when there aren't any weird ones in the day's data.

Here are some of my favorites from this month:

jack burton kurt russell sheets of hot lead I have no idea what this means or why "sheets of hot lead" landed someone here, but MB loves Big Trouble in Little China, so I'll keep it on the list for his sake.

Klause the kickboxing instructor Uh...I got nothing.

how to suck an egg through a bottle If they mean "cause an egg to be sucked into a bottle," I can actually help. Otherwise, this sounds kind of borderline perverted.

living with an engineer HA! I could offer a few helpful pointers.

rhythm gymnastics pantyhose Whaa?

battery man that flips egg Note to self: patent battery-operated man-shaped egg-flipping device quickly. Someone has been spying!

apple maggot quarantine area signs I was perplexed by these in Washington State last fall, and it's sort of comforting to know that I wasn't the only one.

dear internet, please heap shit on Eragon for our amusement I can't even add to this. It's glorious on its own.

glad.i.don't.have.testicles I've had this one before, but without the emphatic extra punctuation. Incidentally, I'm also quite glad to not have testicles.

crappy glasses This isn't that exciting, except for the fact that I'm apparently the #1 Google hit for this search query.

Geology Shirts and the closely related geology onesie A big shout-out to the person who used the onesie query, because it led me to this:




boy-child nutrition vs girl -child nutrition Inexplicably, I'm the only hit for this one.

egg salad, best, taste of home Sometimes it just seems cruel to not have an egg salad recipe in the sidebar somewhere. I feel like such a tease.

AOL search: cocaine ring in Woodinville Hey, man...we were just there for the wine.

AOL search: 80's barbie style dolls with animal heads That sounds more like a meth-bug-type problem to me.



And, completely at random, here's a video of a cat defending its snack against the dog, apparently from some Germany's Funniest Home Videos type show:



Thanks mucho to evilducky, for sending me the animated gif version earlier today :D



Reading: Garbage land : on the secret trail of trash by Elizabeth Royte, Skulls and bones : a guide to the skeletal structures and behavior of North American mammals by Glenn Searfoss


Playing: Mehndi, an evilducky mix

I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled

One of my responsibilities at work is supervising a volunteer program for middle and high school students. Most of the time, the kids keep me young, like the time we sat around at our roundtable discussion and spent half an hour talking about our favorite episodes of MythBusters and how cool it is when they blow stuff up. Other times, though, they make me feel very, very old.

I was in the lounge finishing my lunch this afternoon when two of my favorites showed up. Let's call them the Artist and the Vet, since one is very funky and artsy and the other loves animals. The Artist is the one who made me feel like I was in the fast lane to the land of dentures and Depends the first time we had lunch together, when she declared that her parents listen to "really old music" like "Hendrix and Dylan and Beck." You know, Beck, whose first album came out when I was in EIGHTH GRADE. Pass the prune juice and Fixodent.

Today, we started out talking about chocolate (always a safe topic), then the Vet asked the Artist and me what we're giving up for Lent. Somehow this segued into a conversation about one of the other volunteers, the Astronaut. It seems the Astronaut was down and out this week after his girlfriend broke up with him via MySpace. Dear Lord. I hope she at least had the decency to send him a private message. It would be too much to bear if the poor kid got the bad news in a comment, or through a sudden and unexpected change of relationship status on his girlfriend's profile.

When I was in high school, the worst you had to worry about was whether or not it was appropriate to break up with someone by note. Written on paper, with a pen. Which, you know, is more or less equivalent to chipping it out on a stone tablet and having it delivered by pteranodon. Or you could do it over the phone. Or by Morse Code. Smoke signals were somewhat popular as well.

I guess I am getting old, because I can look back at the ridiculous drama of high school relationships and laugh about how damn serious we all thought it was. The Artist said that the Astronaut was so upset that he made himself sick and had to miss school for most of the week. I know he had a cold, because he was supposed to volunteer yesterday, but his mom called and said the whole family was sick. I doubt it was the heartbreak, but I guess one never knows. The Artist told us that she had a dream on Monday night that the Astronaut had committed suicide, so when he didn't show up for school on Tuesday, she was freaking out.

For a few seconds, I wondered if we were ever that fraught. And then I had to admit that we were. We were very, very fraught at times. But at least we never had to worry about surfing over to our significant other's MySpace page and seeing that they'd changed their profile to "single." Compared to that, a message by pteranodon seems like a pretty gentle letdown. Anyway, I'm going to see if I can manage to get from here to the kitchen without breaking a hip. If you don't hear from me soon, call for help.



Reading: In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner


Playing: Farewell by Oingo Boingo

Their music is weird, but cool. The lead singer, Danny Elfman, has written several scores for Tim Burton movies and provided the singing voice of Jack Skellington in The Nightmare Before Christmas.








Jack's Lament:


I'm clever as can be and I'm very quick, but don't forget--we've only got so many tricks. No one lives forever!

True Friendship, Defined

True friendship is loving someone enough to go out to the mall and scour the clearance racks, then try on and purchase various long-line tank tops for her to layer under her work shirts, so that she can avoid the dreaded strip of exposed tummy / back skin that happens when your pants migrate south and your shirt heads north, while--most importantly--allowing her to avoid shopping, her one True Hate in the world. Luckily, I am the clearance champion, and I also do well when I have a mission to motivate me. Besides, Danger? She's a friend worth trying on clothes for...and that's saying something. She stopped by after work and tried on all the shirts, and all but two were good finds. Hooray! Next mission:  find a decent and flattering bridesmaid's dress for her by April. Something tells me I'm the right operative for the job. Danger, if you ever become a massage therapist for the stars, please consider me when choosing a personal stylist. I think I'd be up for the challenge. ;)


More Clearance Champion-ness (for the divine Miss M)

While I was out working on completing the mission of mercy yesterday, I hit the clearance racks at Kohl's again, for what will probably be the last time for a long time. I need to stop spending money on spawn clothes. The last hurrah:

Space jammies? SQUEE! MB wants to do a space-themed nursery when the time comes, so I pretty much had to get these. Size 3T, large white cat for scale.

Mental image of a small badgerchild toddling about in a hoodie bearing MB's favorite comic book character of all time? Priceless! Okay, not really. But worth $9.60. (ABSURD, since I won't pay that much for a shirt for myself.)


I also got two pairs of work pants for myself ($9.50 and $5.50) and two pairs of cute, cute corduroy cargo pants for $5.99 each.


In the clearance section at Hot Topic, I got this hilarious hat for R, because I knew he'd appreciate the hilarity (and he did):




I got this pretty wallet / pouch thing for my sister, and then promptly forgot all about it when I went to meet her for dinner two hours later:



And I found this somewhat sweet-ass shirt for ten bucks for MB, who's currently really into all things samurai:

(Except I'm an idiot and didn't realize until JUST NOW that the samurai has a guitar. Hmm...oops. That would explain why he wasn't as excited about it as I expected. I think I'll offer to return it, just in case. Damn.)



Reading: In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner

Recycled Child (100% Post-Consumer Content)

I'm going to try to stay rational through this one, because I don't want to spoil it by going off on any rants. It might be hard, but I'm going to do my best. I apologize in advance if I succumb to The Rage along the way. It's also going to be a pretty long one, so you might want to get some chips and a drink. It's okay...I'll wait.



The basic gist of this one has been tumbling around in my head for quite a while, but the time just never seemed right to write it. But earlier this week, my friend Tamsyn pointed me toward Clueless in Carolina, whose "About Me" includes the following: "I am adopted myself, and contrary to popular wisdom, love my parents very much and consider myself ridiculously lucky." I thought to myself, Yes! Fucking A, YES! Someone else who feels like I feel! Someone else who gets it!

I've mentioned it a few times, but not really made a big deal out of the fact that I am adopted. I was adopted in a closed adoption at 25 days old. Five and a half years later, my sister was adopted in a closed adoption at 2 months old. I've always wondered if I should write about it, but it always seemed like a weird topic for a blog entry. I don't really feel like I need to parade my adoptedness around. It's not like I deserve recognition or need special treatment. To me, adoption is how I joined my family. It's not really a big deal. Making a big fuss over it would, to me, feel like a non-adopted person expecting a pat on the back for being born. Besides, who would care about my adoption story, right? Well...seeing Clueless in Carolina's "About Me" made me realize that I do have some things to say on the subject after all.

The last time I visited her blog, her fantastic writing didn't even register (even though it should have), because I was following a link from A Little Pregnant. The original uproar was about breastfeeding and the fact that a speaker booked by the La Leche League [Tricia Smith Vaughan / Tricia Shore / "the Comic Mom" (She's really not very funny.)] had made some inflammatory remarks about breastfeeding, birth control, IVF, postpartum depression, and adoption. I don't really feel like linking to the article she wrote about adoption, because just looking at it makes me feel like my head's going to pop off and fly around biting people (See? The Rage.) If you're interested, you can find it by Googling her name and "No More Mommies?" I'm not really down with having it sitting around on my page, though.

The day I read it for the first time, I sat at my computer in disbelief, feeling my blood pressure going up, speechless with outrage. Few things incense me like the feeling that someone is presuming he/she can speak for me. TSV was adopted as a child, and from cursory reading of some other blogs about the uproar, it sounds like her biological mother was pressured into giving her up in the 1960s. I appreciate that she feels betrayed and that to her, adoption was an ugly thing. I emphatically do not appreciate her crusade against all adoption. How dare she condemn my parents, my family, my childhood, my goddamn fine upbringing (other than the swearing. Sorry, Mom), my sister's childhood (because, dude. Don't mess with my sister, or I'll mess with you right back.)? I emphatically resent her unwillingness to appreciate that I do not feel betrayed, that I do not feel that I am a part of an "artificial family," that I don't think my adoption was a sin in the eyes of God. I wish I was being hyperbolic, but I'm not. Here are some things she had to say about adoption (all underlining added for emphasis):

"Many Christians oppose the idea of two women or two men forming a supposed family by taking someone else's children or paying someone to incubate a child or being impregnated with some anonymous father's sperm. I don't know why the religious only seem concerned when this family tampering occurs with homosexuals. Why does anyone, religious or not, think that forming artificial families is acceptable?"

"Many adoption agencies allude to Moses as the first adoptee, creating the illusion that adoption itself has somehow been sanctioned by God." I'm sure TSV cleared this all up by chatting personally with the Big Man. Especially seeing how pissed off he was about Joseph raising a child that was not biologically his own...oh, wait...yeah, that's called ADOPTION. Good thing God's son didn't have to grow up in an unsanctioned artificial family! That sure would've fucked things up!

"Breastfeeding by a baby's true mother is so natural and helpful to the child that I can't help but wonder why babies are whisked away, often immediately after birth, and the mother is discarded like last month's magazines." I'm not going to get into the breastfeeding angle, because I don't have any authority there. I have to speculate, however, that the reason the babies are "whisked away" is because in situations where the birth mother has chosen to give her child up for adoption, it's less painful for her than making her nurse and bond with a child that she cannot or does not want to keep.

Also, I think it's condescending to minimize what must be an excruciating choice, and often a choice made out of love, by saying the birth mother is "discarded," as if she played no part in the process. Though I'm sure there are many exceptions, I do feel that there is something noble and ultimately deeply rooted in mother-love that motivates some birth mothers to give up their babies so that the babies might have a better chance at a good life. To take on what must be a deep hurt for the sake of a child they might not have wanted, but have taken steps to ensure will be cared for. My birth mother and my sister's birth mother were both 17 years old when we were born. I'm sure their choice was not an easy one. I'm also grateful to the depths of my soul that they made their choice.

"When Moses was an adult, he "went out to his people and looked on their burdens." (Exodus 2:11) Note that the people referred to here are the Hebrews, not the Egyptians who raised him. Imagine this scenario in today's adoption world, in which most states seal truthful birth records and falsify the birth certificates that we adoptees must use." I have no problems with the fact that my birth certificate states that I was born to my parents. In my family, adoption was treated as a perfectly normal way to join a family, just as normal as being born, so it just makes sense to me that my birth certificate should reflect that.

Once again, I appreciate that TSV's adoption was a negative experience, but do not lump me in with you by saying things like "we adoptees." You do not speak for me. You do not speak for my sister. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of us who like being adopted. Please do not denigrate that because you haven't experienced it. I don't condemn TSV for being upset about her adoption, not even for crusading against the kind of apparently forced or coerced adoption that her birth mother was pushed into. In return, I would like it very much if she would refrain from condemning my adoption.

"The truth is that while we have many people who may function in a parental role in our life, we all only have one set of true parents, one mommy and one daddy. Sometimes we are separated, physically, legally, emotionally, or a combination of these, from those parents. Parents, however people like to deny it, can never be replaced. Only when we realize that every child has only one mom and one dad will the idea of "two mommies" become the absurdity that it should be." Again, not touching the anti-gay rhetoric, because RAGE.

Pardon me, but I fundamentally object to the notion that someone is my "true" mommy because she got pregnant and I was the result. I possibly even more deeply object to the notion that someone is my "true" daddy because he got some girl pregnant. If the "true" daddy is an asshole and leaves the "true" mommy, is it right and "sanctioned by God" that the baby can never again have a father, a dad, that the baby can never be lovingly raised and supported by a good, caring man, because God only wanted that baby to have one dad, even if that dad was a horrible person, or just not a good fit with the mom? Fuck that sideways. I would never presume to know what is right for someone else's child. I would never presume to say that a child abandoned by his or her biological father (or mother) is just out of luck. I would never presume to pretend to know how God feels on the subject. (You know, God, who let that lousy false father Joseph pretend to raise his son.)

"Recycling children via adoption has not always been so popular: Prior to 1900, "the general trend . . . seemed to be to attempt to keep mother and child together" (Costigan 28). Even in the early twentieth century, "several states and municipalities passed laws attempting to prevent the separation of mothers and children, and requiring mothers to breastfeed their children for at least three months" (Costigan 30). With so many benefits, emotionally and physically, for the breastfeeding child, this arrangement still seems to be the one that is truly in the best interest of the child." Recycling children? Okay, that's so patently absurd that it's hilarious. I actually LOVE the idea that I'm recycled. It's fantastic! As for the rest of it, I can only address the assertion that legally requiring women who truly do not feel that they can handle motherhood to raise their babies is a good idea, or that legally mandating that women must breastfeed is positive by succumbing, briefly, to a rant:  FOR SERIOUS, IS SHE OFF HER FUCKING NUT? That about covers it, I think. Let's move on.

"Parents are created at natural conception and do not change throughout a child's life." Holy crap! I've been living with strangers my whole life!

"In our brave new society, we refuse to believe such permanence. Parents are interchangeable; children are recyclable. If God does not bless us with a child, we cheat. We covet and take someone else's eggs or their child or we sidestep God and go to a fertility doctor who can help us concoct the family we want, selecting for sex or other characteristics if we like. Children are no longer looked upon as a blessing, but as a right. If we are not blessed with any, we believe that we have every right to obtain one, by any means possible." Do you see how this is the last person I'd want to speak for me? Gah. Just, gah.

Now we're getting to the really juicy parts, the parts that made me tremble with anger the first time I read them:

"With stranger adoption, we take children from their natural families and place them with families that aren't their own, asking everyone to pretend that these children belong in those families. ... The next time you become angry at a couple who claims to be "two mommies," ask yourself how often you've capitulated to the rhetoric of this brave new world, how often you've called someone who's never given birth and passed along genes a mother, or how often you've looked at an Asian child with two people who are clearly not her parents and believed that they are family."

After going off on some bizarre tangent about how we'll soon be in a world where all babies are grown in artificial wombs and there are no mothers, she closes with this brilliant gem: "As we head toward this brave new world, let us not blame only homosexual activists for leading us away from true family. The people who approved of stranger adoption and who sat silently while fertility doctors performed their hocus pocus to create babies in a test tube are now reaping what has been sown. When mothers cease to exist, we will have only ourselves to blame."



Ho. Lee. Crap.

Again, let me reiterate that I respect TSV's right to object to forced adoptions, to hate her own adoption experience. However, I am somewhat infuriated over the thought that there's any chance someone might think she speaks for all adoptees, that she speaks for me.

(GOD, this entry is way too long...is anyone even going to read this far?)

I finally decided that it's time for me to speak for myself. I can't change the minds of people like TSV, but I can add my voice to the clamor. I can express how I feel so that there is no room for anyone to ever assume that I agree with the bitter, angry, anti-adoption rhetoric that seems to come up all too often when adult adoptees find a forum. I figure the seeming prevalence of anti-adoption stances over pro-adoption stances probably comes from the fact that people who are satisified with their lives have little reason to get all spun up and rant on the internet / in the media.

So, I'm spun up, and I've ranted on the internet. And here is my personal adoptee manifesto. I don't speak for anyone but myself. I don't assume that anyone feels the way I feel. I can only speak for myself, and I'm the only one who has a right to decide / express to the world how I feel.

I love my parents.

I love my sister.

We are a real family.

We are a good family.

My parents are not perfect people, and they're not perfect parents, but they truly have always been the best parents they knew how to be. Turns out they're among the best parents I know. I've never looked at my friends' parents and wished mine were more like theirs. My parents were and are great parents. If I could choose any parents in the world, I'd choose them in a heartbeat.

I do not for one second believe that God made them infertile because he didn't want them to have children. (I sometimes wonder if they were fated to be infertile because my sister and I were the chidren they were fated to have, and because they could only have us by adoption, but that's a whole 'nother ramble for another time, probably.)

I do not believe that they loved us any less because we were not their "true" children. I do not believe that I love my parents any less because I am not their "true" daughter. If I loved my (supposedly not "true") sister any more fiercely than I do, I would tear apart at the seams.

Do I think my parents ever wondered what it would've been like if they'd had biological children? Sure.

Do I ever wonder what my birth mother was like? Sure. What she's doing now? Sure. But I don't have any interest in tracking her down, or in having her track me down. More than anything, I hope she is at peace with her decision. I wish there was a way to be sure that she knows that her decision blessed me with a wonderful life, a wonderful family.

But that's it. I don't feel empty. I don't feel abandoned. I'm not angry. I'm not wistful. I'm not hiding a deep, abiding hurt with a veneer of sunshiney optimism. Believe it or not, I HAVE NO ANGST about being adopted. I am a blissfully happy adoptee. After all, I have always known, with complete certainty, who my true parents are, and that they truly wanted me and wanted my sister. They have been there with me, every step of the way. And I am so, so, so very lucky to be their true child.



(If anyone is still reading at this point, thanks. I truly, truly appreciate it.)


Just Finished: Sister Bernadette's Barking Dog: the quirky history and lost art of diagramming sentences by Kitty Burns Florey


Reading: In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner


Playing: disc one of the Grateful Dead's Reckoning

Where Angels Fear to Tread

Our computer has been pitching hissies again lately about lack of hard drive space. Suck it up, princess! You've got nearly 650 MB of free space! What are you bitching about?

MB picked up some blank CDs today, so I thought I'd do a little archiving before I posted. Because I am paranoid, finicky, and somewhat anal-retentive, I always upload pictures to winkflash before I burn and delete them. Nearly two and a half hours later, I'm still slogging through old pictures, uploading them and deleting where I can.

Now that I'm nearly done, I really want to blog, but the alarm clock's going to go off in about 6 hours, and I'm going to be really mad at myself for staying up way too late if I don't give up soon.


As a peace offering for my lameness, I bring you an entry that nearly killed me today when I opened it at work and almost made my face implode from stifling my hysterical laughter: I fucking hate you, written by the cat of Dawn from Baleful Regards.





Reading: Sister Bernadette's Barking Dog:  the quirky history and lost art of diagramming sentences


Playing: Brushfire Fairytales by Jack Johnson

The Unfortunate Laundry Incident

I think the label on that fur coat said 'dry clean only.'



He was top in his class at Final Relaxation, until he was kicked out of
the ashram for refusing to do Downward-Facing Dog Pose.




You're a handsome devil. What's your name?





Reading: The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. It is immensely enveloping. I sat down to read at 8 PM and didn't surface until midnight.


Playing: the soundtrack from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie


"Wacky Web Site" of the Day: Snow Crystals. "Visit this site to learn how snowflakes form, see how scientists create designer snow crystals in the laboratory, learn how to catch and photograph snowflakes yourself, and find the best places to go snowflake watching."

Clotheshorse Whore

Before I start yammering on about shallow, materialistic stuff, I need to announce that the furnace has been fixed. It seems that the pilot light went out. I somehow didn't think of that, even though I should've. Even if I had, though, I really don't think I'd have been willing to try lighting it on my own. That's just sort of serious and scary, as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather have someone watching me and ready to snatch the flame-device from my hand the first time I do that, you know?

The hilariously odd maintenance man showed up around 8:30 this morning. I was wearing two pairs of socks, a pair of corduroys over flannel pj pants, my hoodie and MB's hoodie over a T-shirt, and a knitted bobble hat. Fashionista! When I opened the door, the guy said, "So your heat's ou--oh. Yeah." He relit the pilot light and did something with a 'thermal coupling' and now all is roasty toasty in Casa de Velocibadger once more.


From this point on, if you're sick of hearing me yap about clearance rack banditry and baby stuff, you might want to go make a snack and come back tomorrow. I'll probably post something with actual merit then. For now, clearance clothes and baby stuff. Sorry.

I had a fantastic girls' night out with the bibliophile, evilducky, and Teacher Incognito. We ate at Olive Garden, since I was apparently the last person on Earth who'd never eaten there. Then, we hit the sales racks at Kohl's, and man was it sweet.

I got a kickass pair of brown cords and a really cute thermal:


The thermal kind of makes the pants look gargantuan, but it's just my crappy photography skillz. Here's a better shot of the supercute top:




Then, since FIVE of the internet board girls are now pregnant (congrats, Spence!), I hit the baby racks to try to find some good gift ideas. While I was over there, I looked in baby clearance, and found the following things worthy of stockpiling for future spawn:

After Kohl's, we went to Target. I got sucked into the vortex and ended up dropping $70. Yikes. But I scored this awesome shirt for $2.50:



I love it, because it reminds me of Picasso's Old Guitarist. MB (notoriously picky) not only likes it, but said it reminds him of Kat Von D from Miami Ink. Dude, I'm going to wear it every day if it renders me reminiscent of Kat. I totally heart her. (And I don't care what MB says--I still think she's hot.)


I should post something that's not completely materialistic and fluffy, but I still have to take a shower and I promised MB that I'd clean off the table before I go to bed. When I do projects, I tend to take over all available space, and I spent today working on a big photo project, so here's what's left behind:


That is one day worth of mess. Scary, huh? I promise I'll try to write something with some actual worth tomorrow. xoxo

It's a planet made entirely out of ice.

Okay, not really. But it sure feels that way when the furnace decides that it doesn't want to kick in and the overnight low is going to drop to about 9 degrees Fahrenheit. MB called the landlord about an hour ago and left a message basically saying, "Uh...the heater is not responding. Could you maybe send someone to check on that tomorrow?" Not fifteen minutes later, the landlord called back to see if he should bring us a space heater for the night. Never wanting to be a bother, MB told him we'd probably be okay with all of our blankets. And he's right. But it means an early bedtime for me, since my fingers are literally going numb from cold sitting out here at the computer. Bollocks. I'm glad our landlord is such a nice guy, but for serious: It is really. fucking. cold.

Sexy librarian, or nerdy hipster wannabe?

MB and I went to the eye doctor today. It probably says something about my personality that I get more uptight about going to the optometrist than I do about going to the Girlie-Bits Doctor. I always get antsy during the part where they flip all the lenses down and make you choose which one looks better, one or two. I'm always like, What if I give the wrong answer? I'll have to wear crappy glasses for a whole year and it'll be all my fault! Yes, I'm a bit neurotic. Why do you ask?

Then, there's the problem of choosing frames. Apparently I have a little pygmy head, so I usually have to get my glasses from the kids' section. It's not that big of a deal most of the time, but selection is slim at the best of times at our optometrist's anyway, and even though no one would probably ever know--and even though they actually looked pretty cute on me--I just don't think I could take myself seriously ever again if I bought a pair of Bratz frames. After all, nothing says "savvy professional woman" like wearing a pair of glasses made for an eight-year-old girl and marketed by the company that makes those alarming semi-hoochie big-eyed dolls.

Complicating matters is the fact that I tend to find one thing that works for me and then cling to it for years. (See also my irrational fear of getting my hair cut off.) For nearly ten years, I've been getting small, simple wire frames, and for the last six years or so, I've been going with plain silver. So, of course, there were no silver frames to choose from, and most of the wire frames were too big or just weirdly shaped. Right off, MB brought me these:



I tried them on and liked them, but I'm really not sure I'll be able to pull them off. The lab tech is going to order them in chocolate brown so I can see if I like that color better, because I wasn't totally sold on the tortoise-shell colored ones they had in stock. I'm just terrified they'll make me look like the world's biggest tool and I won't notice until I'm looking at pictures five years from now. That's sort of how I feel when I look at pictures of myself in my first pair of glasses (which, incidentally, were also plastic and sort of clunky). I was eleven then and didn't know better. Now I usually do know better, but I still have no idea if this is a good move. Of course, if I hate them, it's not like I'm getting a freaking tattoo or something. They're glasses. They come off. But I'd hate to have to go spend more money just because the universe asked "One or two?" and I picked one when I should've said two.



Reading: The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield


Playing: guessing games